From India to Guatemala

2006-10-22T12:30:00.000-07:00

To read more about Alexander's adventures in America, check out:

http://www.lifewithlittles.blogspot.com

They're coming to America!! TODAY!!!

2006-10-20T18:48:00.000-07:00

OK so sue me for ripping off a bad Neil Diamond ballad.

(Enter there are no good Neil Diamond Ballad jokes here).

The day began with a5:30 wake up call and a quick cab ride to the Guatemala Airport. The majority of the flights leaving this morning were carrying the families with their newly adopted children. Most of these people were first time parents with no experience on packing or traveling with children. So as you can imagine Guatemalan Airport Security was a tangle of baby strollers, over stuffed diaper bags, numerous tickle me Muppets characters getting jammed in the x ray machine. Utter chaos. Fortunately, Natalie and I already earned the “screaming at your spouse in an Airport over who forgot to pack cheerios” merit badge with Charlie, so we just breezed on through.

The flight from Guatemala to Dallas was actually uneventful. Alexander was his normal relaxed self and spent most of his time just sleeping and staring out the window. After spending just a few days with Alexander, it becomes very apparent that this kid constantly has the world under his microscope. What I mean is this, he is always examining everything. Every car in the street, every person in airport, every bag on the luggage carrousel, he just constantly takes it all in. So the end result is that Mom and Dad have a very easy time on Airplanes and Airports, because there is always something or someone to look at there.

We arrived in Dallas and with a hefty stamp from the Immigration official on Alexander's passport he is now a US citizen. Upon learning this he immediately asked for a NASCAR season pass and a super sized order of french fires. No he actually was content with a bottle and some more intense people watching during our 4 hour layover in DFW. After the last encounter with that Airport, having four hours to leisurely stroll around and actually take a breath was very nice.

Upon arriving home, Alexander was warmly greeted by his big sister. Fresh from her bath, she was still sans clothes. We did explain to Alexander that in this house we usually do wear clothes. Charlie is very much embracing the role of big sister. She is checking his diaper and telling Mom and Dad when it is time to change him. She even goes and gets a clean diaper. She does hold short on actually taking the dirty diaper away -- she delegated that one to good ole Dad.

So now at the end of the big Day the family is complete. FINALLY COMPLETE. Charlie is in bed and Natalie is exhausting her selection of Spanish lullabies, so Alexander is going to be following closely behind.

We just want to thank all of you who have supported us throughout this part of our journey. We know this is just then end of the one short chapter and a beginning of a much bigger one. But we could not have made it here with out all of you. Your love and support was truly sustaining.

Thanks so much

Hello my son -- happy birthday.

2006-10-19T09:29:00.000-07:00

Mirian, Marilena, and Carlos came over around 10:30 on Tuesday about an hour after Natalie moved into her new room. The staff was very accommodating as they cleaned the room early to make this happen. Alexander was a little nervous at first, but the toys we brought along started to earn their keep. He really enjoys his Mega blocks, his little beach ball, and his little pink goat. They all stayed most of the day and since I was still incapacitated, Mirian decided to stay the night with Natalie and Alexander. Natalie and I think this actually worked for the best because it helped Alexander (and Mirian and Natalie) be eased into the transition. Natalie did have a few hours alone with Alexander that first day and as long as she kept him distracted he seemed OK. Another activity that Alexander seems to enjoy is looking out the window at all the foot and auto traffic that goes by the hotel. He is a very curious fellow. Natalie had some success getting him to sleep in her sling but was unsuccessful in getting him to stay asleep during the transition from sling to crib. He seems to prefer to sleep on top of Natalie for now, and mom is more than willing to oblige.

On Wednesday (10/18) we celebrate Alexander´s first birthday. We also have our first embassy appointment to finalize the adoption. This will be followed by a single appointment on Thursday to get his Visa and then we are done. After all the long arduous paper trail, the actual appointment with the US embassy takes about a hour, 90% of which is us sitting in chairs waiting for our number to be called. Honestly I have waited longer to get a driver license renewed at the DMV. I make a brief reappearance for the embassy appointment but then was shooed away by Natalie and Mirian both to ensure that everyone else stays healthy. By this point I am feeling better but I stay away for another 12 hours. By then I am dying to know what is going on and completely frustrated by the Spanish translation of HBO, so I check out of the Case Grande and rejoin my family.

Our adoption attorney, Marilena, brought over a cake and had a small party for Alexander´s first birthday. Although there is still a language barrier it is very apparent to all that Alexander LIKES cake!!! Big fan of it. He was not shy about getting that cake in his mouth whether with his hands or just dropping his whole head on his plate. Already he takes after his new Daddy.

After the party breaks up, we enjoy the evening with a little rain and a little candle light. Actually the little rain has knocked out the power to the hotel, so the candle light is more for necessity than ambiance. With me back in the room Mirian decides to go home and we all agree to meet tomorrow for one last visit. Natalie, Alexander, and I all sack out around 10:00 with Alexander once again preferring Natalie to the cold crib. We are all OK with this. Happy Birthday my son.

Exciting Times

2006-10-19T08:45:00.000-07:00

First off, let me just say that this is not Natalie. She is busy bonding with Alexander, so I have been delegated as the trips blogger. So for those of you who are used to these posts having a certain standard of insight, poeticism or just plain good spelling and grammar -- You are out of luck.

But to the details,

1 ) The plane trip. The feud between the Dallas Airport and our family continues to rage. Storms throughout Dallas delayed every flight in and out except the one from Dallas to Guatemala City. So while we were an hour late our flight out was leaving right on time (Go figure!!). So knowing that our only flight that day was leaving in 10 min, Natalie and I decided to split up. I was to run ahead with the boarding passes and hold the plane until Natalie arrived. So off I go. For those who aren’t familiar with the Dallas Airport, the international terminal is approximately 1, 256 miles from the regular terminals -- give or take a light year or two. So as I arrive, the very nice gate attendant is already making last call announcements. I hand over both of our boarding passes and say that my wife is just behind me. I even motion with my hand toward a group of approaching people, who I don’t know from Adam for emphasis. My charade (so much a better word than LIE don’t you think) works and she enters both of us onto the flight list. I immediately bolt back up the concourse to retrieve my wife. I simply ignore the now not so nice gate agents as they call out that not boarding the plane at this instance is both "highly irregular and discouraged". I find Natalie a couple of gates away looking more that a little flushed, so I drag her the last few steps pass the frosty glares of the gate agents and get on the plane. The closing plane door literally hit me on the back on the way on.

Guatemala here we come.

2) The Hotel de San Carlos. I am told that this hotel is very beautiful. It has a beautiful garden with a pool complete with waterfall. I am also told that the food is excellent and the service if very friendly. I must mention that I have no first hand experience, because by the time the plane lands and we arrive at the hotel, I am already showing the symptoms of the flu that has run through other members of our family the last few days. So with all the loving kindness of a mother bear protecting her new cub, Natalie "suggests" I move to the hotel next door so I don’t get Alexander sick as well. It is the logical and wise choice, but I resist as I don’t want to miss anything. I am convinced that my super macho immune system will kill this pesky bug by Tuesday morning.

So by Tuesday morning I am too weak to stand, but somehow I find myself dressed and walking down the street with my suitcase in hand. I can’t remember for certain but I am pretty sure Natalie safety pinned a note to my shirt telling someone to take to me to Casa Grande Hotel where a room had mysteriously been reserved for me. Natalie was meanwhile busy moving to a new room in the San Carlos that had not yet been cootiefied by her husband. I proceed to sleep for the next 30 hours so the majority of the next blog entry is taken completely from Natalie’s notes.

Trip Information

2006-10-16T07:58:00.000-07:00

After having a stomach bug, Charlie and I have fully recovered. We are praying it passes Eddy by, but just in case we have enough pharmaceuticals to give Merck a record quarter. Nothing is as blessed as feeling good!!

Our flight information:

American Airlines
All times CST

San Antonio to Dallas
flight 1760
Departs 3:10
DFW to Guatemala
flight 2195
Departs 5:10
Arrives 7:20

Guatemala to San Antonio
Oct 20th

Flight 2196
Departs 8:45 am
Arrives DFW
We clear customs and immigration here
Flight 1126
Departs 4:55
Arrives SAT at 6:00 pm

The best way to contact us in case of an emergency is by use of my cell, which is supposed to have international service. Please do not hesitate to call in case of an emergency, 210-445-1644. Text messages are great for non-urgent communication!

Accomodations

We have reservations at the Hotel San Carlos
hsnsancarlos@hsnsancarlos.com
ph# 011-502-5-202-6327

It is not quite likely but not improbable that something could happen to our reservation, in which case we will most likely be at the Casa Grande, in Zona 10, next to the US Embassy.

Travelguard Insurance policy #2334749
1-800-826-4419, This is in case we have a medical emergency in Guatemala.

Tuesday Alexander and Miriam will come to our hotel. Our appointment at the US Embassy is Wednesday at 7:45am. On Thursday, we wait for them to issue a passport and visa.

We hope to have access to a computer and, if so, will blog while we are there. Thanks!!!!

You Say It's Your Birthday?!

2006-10-12T17:48:00.000-07:00

Our embassy appointment is at 7:45 am on October 18th, Alexander's first birthday!!!! The American Airlines flight gets in late at night, so we will be flying in on Monday the 16th. We will arrive Monday evening. Alexander is scheduled to come to the hotel the 17th. We have our appointment the 18th, then another one on the 19th. We will be heading home on the 20th. Yippee! We are off to get ready!!!

Pink Slip Countdown '06

2006-10-12T15:40:00.000-07:00

After my hot pursuit of our social worker, she called me. I had to start the conversation with an apology as the number of phone calls is, quite frankly, boderline stalking. I am not really kidding. I am not really rational right now and the whole business standard time frame for returning calls seems like an eternity! As I write this, our attorney's counterpart is at the Embassy trying to get our pink slip. IF he gets it today, we will be scheduled for Thursday. This means we will need to be in Guatemala by Wednesday afternoon. The Embassy people do not work on Fridays. If it does not happen today, it will not happen until next week.

The social worker and I struck a deal. She will call us, no matter what time day or night, when she finds out the exact time of our first appointment. I will send her a picture of our family once we have settled in. Sounds like a good deal to me! :)

No Breaking News Today

2006-10-11T17:51:00.000-07:00

I am having flashbacks of high school. You know, when you are waiting for that guy you have a crush on to call you? I guess these days it would be waiting for a text or email. Waiting is the unifying theme....

I emailed our attorney and put a call in to our social worker. Late this afternoon we could have possibly received our Embassy appointment or "pink slip" for next week. No news yet! I better go check my email for the 45th time.

What did we say about plans?

2006-10-06T16:38:00.001-07:00

Dan and Kelly found out we were planning on driving to Houston so Charlie could stay with the Wrights. Kelly called and offered to stay with Charlie while we are in Guatemala. This will enable us to avoid six hours of driving and as well as hopefully use our frequent flier miles. In short, it is a tremendous help. Christine is going to keep Charlie after school until Kelly can pick her up on her way home from work. We are so blessed to have such helpful friends. Of course, I am not calling this a "plan"! How about a possibility?

What did we say about plans?

2006-10-06T16:38:00.000-07:00

Latest News

2006-10-03T17:56:00.000-07:00

Below is the email we received tonight. October 18th is also Alexander's first birthday! Hopefully we will get to hug the birthday boy in person!

Dear Natalie,

I have potentially really good news. You case will leave the civil registry tomorrow. If all goes well, M will go to the embassy next Monday to request your pink slip--that is an appointment date for your exit interview at the embassy. If she submits this request on Monday, then by Weds. late afternoon (the 11th), we should have the pink slip, If we do, you will probably be traveling around Oct 18th or so to get Alexander.

will be in touch

Tentative Travel Plans

2006-10-02T09:58:00.000-07:00

Now that we know our travel date is coming any day now, we have started making plans. After maintaining a flexible schedule for the past couple of months in anticipation of our trip, Tia Anna had to take a "reserve" month in October. This means she has to be at the airport within two hours of receiving a call, so she has to stay here. "The best laid plans of mice and men!" Why do we still bother I wonder?

I think Eddy and I going together will be a safeguard against some further surprises. For example, we were told that our visits were voluntary. Later when we entered PGN, we were required to submit a letter stating that we had both visited Alexander in person. This would have been troublesome if we had not both gone. So, it would not surprise me at all if I had waltzed in with the power of attorney form only to be told it should have been written in 14 point font or something. I am kind of joking, but one never knows.

Michelle and Todd have graciously offered to keep Charlie in Houston. Charlie will be staying in the US since we are more comfortable with her staying here. We will be flying in and out of Houston on Continental (or at least that is "the plan", but surely we should have learned about those by now?) . We have also been told by another family about a great hotel called the San Carlos. This is a nice additional option. All we are missing is the minor detail of a date!!

Travel Time Frame!

2006-09-29T10:46:00.000-07:00

Hi Natalie,
Hopefully within about 3 weeks you will be requested
to go down and get Alexander. When we get the pink
slip that will have the embassy appt. on it.
Please bring down both passports. Again, which one is traveling? It should be the petitioner.
So we shall be in touc

WOO HOOO!!!!!!!!!!

2006-09-28T18:47:00.000-07:00

We are out of the PGN!!! YES YES YES YES YES!!!!!! We are so very thankful for this development as things are really slowing down and looking to get slower. This is a huge blessing. It means that we are simply awaiting our Embassy appointment. Some folks even choose to go down at this point to start caring for their child and wait for their appointment time there. We really are not in a position to do that so we are awaiting our pink slip. Then we will have definite date. Embassy appointments are scheduled very early in the morning, before 8:00. We are supposed to fly in early enough the day before so Alexander can be brought to the hotel. He goes to the Embassy appointment as well. Then we have another appointment the next day. After that we will be free to leave. He will be adopted with the name Alexander Laynez McCormick Watkins. Eddy really loves that one! As if me keeping my name is not annoying enough! :) In the Latin world, this is the naming custom. . We will change it to Alexander Lorenzana McCormick when we do a name change here. We plan on calling him "Xander" if he likes it.

I feel so blessed that Alexander will be able to get to know us before getting his surgery. Such a wondeful thing!

Tonight we went out to celebrate. We have yet to find a Guatemalan restuarant in San Antonio, so we went for Mexican food. No, it is not the same! :)

Thanks to our friends, family, church family and Community of Hope for the continued prayers and support. This has been a challenge, like most good things in our lives so far. Thanks for the interest, compassion and love.

SOOON!!!!!!!!!!!

C'mon Have a Heart!

2006-09-26T20:50:00.000-07:00

We are now in "full-on weasel" mode. Below is the email reply we have received from our latest attempt to find some sort of way out of the PGN.

Dear Natalie,

I spoke with M today and they are going to the PGN today to see if there's anything they can do to hurry things along. The staff of the PGN is very stubborn and user unfriendly--it's really been tough!

I will let you know if there's anything we can do, but M was not too hopefuly. They will try.

Regards,

Hi ,

I have a concern --I wonder if we could get some sort of humanitarian expedited service on Alexander’s case. Our specialist told us he needs to have surgery on his palate by 18 months of age. His first birthday is 10/18 and, with the delays, I am concerned he will not have time to adjust to us prior to needing surgery. Is there any historic precedent for this type of issue with the PGN? We can get any supporting data or letters needed. Thoughts?

Thanks in advance,

Natalie

Update on our case

2006-09-25T18:55:00.000-07:00

Well, it looks like my ongoing friendship with the Fed-Ex guy shows no sign of waning thanks to my good friends at the Embassy. I guess, on the bright side, at least the PGN has not lost our case or spilled coffee on it. Always a good thing.

I always love the social worker pep talks, God bless them. "We all have to be patient"-- As opposed to what? Staging a hostage situation? Taking big bags of money and trying to bribe people? Okay, in our case it would be a very little bag of money, but you get the point. Maybe staging a distraction by running through the PGN offices nude and havmg our spouse snatch the file in our wake? I mean, is there a choice? Because if there is, I would like to know about it.

On another note, I was making Alexander's bed today. C. asked if she could sleep with him when he comes. She brought her pillows and blankets in to his room and set up her "bed" on his little jungle rug. Aah!

Dear family,

This morning I called M and your case is still in the PGN! M has been checking everyday--and is told to come back the following day or within two days. I know this is a trying time and we all have to be patient with the PGN! All cases are being subjected to delay.

In the meantime, the US Embassy has issued some NEW REQUISITES IN ORDER TO OBTAIN YOUR APPOINTMENT DATE for the exit interview. They want you to fill out another I-600 blue form, AND they are asking that you send them a copy of your passport which should only include:

1. the page with your photo on it and
2. the pages which show, via the aduana stamps, your first trip to Guatemala.

M will fill out the ENTIRE I-600 for you (because we want to submit this form with just one style of handwriting, so Embassy will not reject it) So please send the following to the attn of Meghan at our office BY OCTOBER 4TH!

PLEASE SEND , at BAAS THE FOLLOWING:

1. A new I 600 blue form, signed only, NOT DATED OR ANY BLANKS FILLED IT. Please sign this document AS YOUR NAME HAS APPEARED ON YOUR 171 H FORM! Usually on the 171 H, your name in full is shown there.

2. Submit a copy of your passport, only the page with your photo and page(s) that show your first visit to Guatemala

3. A check to BAAS for $20--this is to cover your part of the fed-ex package that will be sent to M.

PLEASE NOTE: if we do not receive your documents by Oct. 6th, you will have to send the documents yourself, and thus pay more for the fed-ex mailing.

Thanks for your cooperation! I will send you the I-600 form out in the mail today--you should get it by Wednesday.

Regards

2006-09-19T17:34:00.000-07:00

Our social worker called us tonight. She does this periodically. She is a very nice lady, however I wish she would preface her conversation with, " NO THIS IS NOT THE CALL!!" We always do this little small talk dance for a minute or so. This sixty second period feels like an hour.

She said M checked on our case and the PGN people told her to come back on Friday. Maybe she will go back on Friday and they will say, "Oh, thanks for coming back. We are happy to award you with this PGN partner of the month award." She could also go back and they could state, " Oh....Pablo always tells people to come back on Friday when he has no real information for them." Maybe it will actually happen on Friday. That would be very exciting!!

A friend came over to do some decorative painting on Alexander and C's walls. We are setting up his crib this weekend. All that is missing is the baby! :)

Tick Tock

2006-09-02T05:54:00.000-07:00

Time is starting to crawl. Every time the phone rings, I run to grab it hoping to hear Marilena's voice on the other end. C. is getting settled in to school and life is becoming a lot easier, so I can see how the timing is a good thing. There are still forms to get notarized and household projects to complete. I am trying to stay busy and distracted. However, it is becoming increasingly more challenging. Also, while bureaucrats make their demands, Alexander is getting older and the separation is going to be all the harder.

I have also started getting the strange adoption conversations. FIrst and foremost, anyone who actually knows Eddy and me is well aware that we are not saints and as for any of our children being "lucky"??? We feel lucky we will be able to call Alexander our son, God willing. As for him being "lucky" to have a family, every child deserves a family who embraces him. Winning the lottery is lucky, having a family?? That is a right.

I am noticing a real bias in our culture that I guess, on some level, I always knew existed. The phrase "Angelina Jolie has her first child" just is so insensitive and incorrect. Like the children she has adopted are somehow less hers.

So, just a little venting. Hopefully things will keep progressing and we will be traveling to get our little man soon.

Good News, Bad News

2006-07-30T18:20:00.000-07:00

The good news is we got out of PGN very quickly, we did not get sent to the gulag otherwise known as "investigations", Alexander is with Miriam and our lawyer called us promptly to let us know of our status. The bad news is that we go back to PGN again for round 2.

The PGN attorney wants us to write a letter stating that we both have met Alexander in person and understand he will need at least one more surgery. Even though our home study explicitly stated that we were open to a child wth cleft lip and palate, they still want to hear from us.

So, we are writing this letter tonight and faxing it Monday. It does not need to be legalized or anything, which is a good thing. If we clear PGN in a month again (knock on wood, cross your fingers and toes) then we weill get "the call" around the end of August. That will be our short term notice of the Embassy appointment, which is the final step. Then he will officially be our son!

PGN Watch '06

2006-07-10T12:03:00.000-07:00

HI Natalie,

Alexander is doing great. Your case is in the PGN and M has all of your papers now.

M will be in Washington DC from July 25th through July 30th. While she is gone, her assistant, Julio Solorzano will have her cel phone and will be checking on all cases.

Her cel phone number is: 011-502-5-202-6327
Her e-mail address is: maryvarelap@hotmail.com
M will be checking her e-mails while in DC.

I will be sending some more information shortly.

Warm regards,

PGN Time Frame

2006-06-28T12:58:00.000-07:00

The estimated time frame we have could vary considerably. This office, the PGN, recently named a new director and this has resulted in many changes. It used to be two weeks now it can be months. Below is some information from an online Guatemalan adoption forum:

PGN TIMEFRAMES -NO, I AM NOT GIVING THEM...PERIOD. At the current time, I know many folks who have been in over 6 months and some who seem to have gotten out in 6 weeks. There is NO consistency nor recipe for what is going on!

Not so fast!

2006-06-27T17:45:00.000-07:00

Looks like we are not in PGN yet. Below is an email from our social worker here in the US.

Dear Natalie,

The Guatemalan social worker incorrectly had put down the name of another child on one of her reports about Alexander--so Marilena has been trying to get that corrected. Also the PGN wanted a very recent medical report written by Dr. Figueroa and the doctor was away for 2 weeks until now. In spite of this, everything is coming together and Mari should get the corrections on the court report done shortly.

I shall update you when we know things have entered the PGN.

Warm regards,

PGN Here We Come!!

2006-06-26T11:09:00.000-07:00

I called our attorney today to follow up on our last form. She received it and is submitting our case to PGN today. PGN takes 6-8 weeks from the day your case is submitted, so we should be looking at a couple of months from today! How long PGN takes is largely dependent on the attorney handling the case. I have known people who have cleared PGN in three weeks and others who are waiting after three months. M navigated our case through the court system relatively quickly, so hopefully PGN will be the same.

Happy Father's Day!

2006-06-18T13:31:00.000-07:00

Happy Father's Day to Eddy! Eddy travelled to Gautemala last Friday and will be returning tomorrow. He called yesterday and checked in with us. He is having a nice visit, even though he is a little frustrated by his inability to communicate. It looks like some family Spanish classes are in our future. He got in safely and met Alexander and Miriam!

He was amazed by Alexander's content personality and curiousity. He said "Natalie, he NEVER cries and is always observing things!" Of course, I did not have the heart to tell him he never cries because Miriam is there! Eddy also loves his big brown eyes.

He also noted Alexander's beauty contestant wave and independent streak. It sounds like they were fast buddies.

Eddy was debating heading to Antigua for a day trip today. We look forward to getting Daddy back tomorrow and all of us being together soon. Too bad we cannot bring Miriam along to live in our guest room!

Pre Approval!!!

2006-05-31T20:13:00.000-07:00

Our case just officially hit the fast lane!! The Embassy appointment is the final step in the process. Our attorney told us she believes we will be bringing Alexander home in two months instead of six. We are booking Eddy's 48 hour tour for the 17th of this month. When it refers to adoptive parents not travelling prior to their pink slip, they are talking about the final trip to bring the baby home. Below is the notification I received from the US Embassy today:

Name of child / Nombre del menor: Alexander Lopez Laynez
A pre-approval was issued for the above-listed adoption case. You may pick up this
pre-approval at Window #8 at your earliest convenience. You must bring a copy of
this notification.
Reminder: Adopting parents should not travel to Guatemala prior to issuance of the pink slip
by the Consular Section, in order to avoid unnecessary expenses. Travel before pink slip
issuance will not be considered an emergency and final documents will be processed as
usual.
This office will not be giving priority to other cases over those who have complied with this
requirement.
The Consular Section has implemented an Appointment System for the Immigrant Visa.
Please do not travel until you have received your appointment date and time.
La pre-aprovación correspondiente al caso de adopción que esta mencionado arriba
fue emitida. Puede recoger esta pre-aprobación en la Ventanilla #8. Deberá presentar
una copia de esta notificación.
Recordatorio: Los Padres Adoptivos no deberán viajar a Guatemala antes de que la Sección
Consular expida la hoja rosada, para evitar gastos innecesarios. El hecho de viajar antes de
que se haya expedido la hoja rosada no se considerará una emergencia y los documentos
finales se tramitarán de manera regular.
Esta oficina no le dará prioridad a otros casos sobre los que sí hayan cumplido con este
requisito.
La Sección Consular ha implementado un Sistema de Citas para la Visa de Inmigrante. Por
favor, no viaje hasta que haya recibido la fecha y hora de su cita.
Sincerely, / Atentamente,
Adoptions Unit
U.S. Department of Homeland Security
U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services
American Embassy - Guatemala
Unit 3334
APO AA34024
Fax 011 (502) 2331-4342
A. SOLARES

Reflecting

2006-05-30T21:20:00.001-07:00

Yesterday we met with Dr Figureoa. He was very professional. The clinic he runs is beautiful, clean and modern. Alexander's vaccinations are up to date and he has had all of his well baby check ups.

Dr. Figureoa is really impressed with Alexander's development and special tricks. He was kind and knowledgable. A photo of him and his brother playing doctor at a young age hangs in the reception area. The brother, the other Dr. Figureoa, is the same one who did Alexander's lip surgery free of charge.

After meeting with him we went to Antigua. Carlos drove us in his spotless taxi cab. Antigua is a real jewel of a city. It is a colonial Spanish town, with beautiful cobblestone streets, pastel colored buildings, gorgeous tile work with fountains and flowers everywhere. We stayed at Hotel Aurora which had a scenic central patio and inlaid floors. Huge ornate iron gates adorn the outside.

We visited Caso Santo Domingo, toured the crypts and ruins as well as enjoyed the incredible architecture of the 15th century monastery.

After a great lunch at Cafe Contessa, we hit the artesan market. Women weave intricate designs and sell their handicrafts. Jade, tiger eye and various other stones are crafted into beuatiful jewelry.

Antigua is an international attraction and we ran across people from all over the globe. Carlos picked us up, on time as usual (by US standards) and we enjoyed his company as he drove us back to the city.

When we returned to Casa Grande, we met a delightful trio of Australian grandmothers. They were finishing a two month trip through Mexico and Central America. They shared many stories and laughs as well as great information about Antigua. They were thrilled to meet Alexander when Miriam brought him to the hotel Tuesday afternoon.

Alexander and Miriam stayed with us until Carlos picked them up at 9:30. We shared a wonderful dinner and chatted with other adopting families and guests at the Casa.

We spent time this past week with some very special people; Marilyn and her baby Jhestin, Marilou and her parents who contributed so much as they were very famliar with Guatemala, Jennifer, Braun, Relief and Haydee, Marcos' parents from Missouri and the lovely staff at the Casa.

The nuns and Meridith from the Hogar left a lasting impression. The strong love and fierce protection they show for the children in their care inspires me to be a better mother. The nuns sense of industry and innovation, resourcefulness and the fact that all of them have an intellectual fire that could be used in any capacity, yet they have chosen to serve the voiceless. Truly something special and an experience to be treasured.

Antigua, a city alive with and seeped in beauty and traditon is a place whose memories I will savor.

Friendship and unconditional love and support are epitomized by my girfriends and dear husband as well as the family who have prayed for and supported us during our journey.

Anna's volunteering to come along for the trip, Christine's capacity and cheerful offer to help care for Charlie, Michelle's generosity and the wonderful wardrobe (Alexander is the best dressed kid in Guatemala) , Kelly and Dan's sweet cards, Nicky's thoughtful gifts and listening heart, all of the friends and family who lend a caring ear and encourage us....Rosie's patient second language writing tutorials..... Our parents and Eddy's sister and family who have recently walked the same path... The list of blessings is infinite and this is just a snapshot.

Memories of Alexander are poignant, intense and sweet. His great wide smile, his laugh, content personality, curiousity and the way he strokes my face and plays with my hair. The fact that he will not break eye contact unless he sees a spectacular bird or cloud....his active body and peaceful spirit. He is our little love and we are so grateful for the Lorenzanos committment to give him a better start in life than I even fantasized was possible in foster care. Of course, we are deeply appreciative that his birth mother, Maria Laynez, has blessed us so by his very existence.

The sweetness of Charlie's embrace when I came home and her loving spirit and spontaneous affection, her little upturned face as she said "Mama, I missed you when you were in Guatemama". I do not think life gets any sweeter.

Eddy's enthusiasm and eagerness to hear all about the trip, his trusting spirit and adventurous attitude... Mostly his capactiy for love.

So, this trip was one of the most moving experiences of my life, along with my wedding and Charlie's birth. I could not have planned anything, even the rough spots, more perfectly. So, so sweet. I do not remember which literary type talked about sucking the marrow out of life, but I get what he was talking about in moments like these.

2006-05-28T20:16:00.000-07:00

Going to the orphanage today was surprisingly uplifting. it is run by five nuns of the Orthodox church. These very resourceful women have created a nurturing environment for children with tragic stories.

Upon entering the Liturgy we heard 80 little voices singing "Hallelulia". The children were wonderful during the two and a half hour church service. Then Meredith, who has been a missionary for a year, gave us a tour. Then we ate lunch with the missionaries. There was a pool, a garden a playground , a gym, dorms, nursery, and a cafeteria.

Tomorrow we are going to visit alexander's doctor. then we are leaving for antigua in the afternoon and will spend the night.

2006-05-27T20:09:00.000-07:00

Foster mom Miriam came over with Alexander today for 9 hrs. Miriam is vry committed to Alexander and loves him deeply.

Today was a day many tears and lots of emotioal conversations and getting to know one another.

Foster brother Carlos took Anna to the main market downtown in his taxi. Guatemala city is very similar to Mexico City with the exception of the unusually kind and gentle Guatemalan people.

Today Alexander really showed us a lot of his unique personality and love of washcloths, cold baths and rolling around. He is very content, peaceful, and laughs and smiles a lot. He waves, shakes hands, rolls over repeatedly in all directions, tries to crawl, and has a deep and full laugh. He is very curious and is constantly observing his environment. Alexander enjoys watching the clouds, the birds, and prefers being outside. He is a very loving baby boy.

Tomorrow foster brother Carlos is taking us to church and an orphanage. Thanks for reading.

2006-05-26T22:00:00.000-07:00

Today I met Alexander , Miriam, Carlos, and Marilena. They all came to the hotel. It was love at first sight at least on my part...maybe more like unrequited love at first sight. Actually alexander was very loving and patient with me as I got to know him. Anna is a spectacular friend and helped in many ways. when she was not organizing our room, she was warming a bottle or fetchnig a diaper.

Alexander has a wonderful personality and loves music. He has a big wide grin and likes to play "super baby".

Alexander stayed with us for 8 hrs and his foster mom and brother returned to pick him up tonight. We asked them to spend the day with us tomorrow, and we look forward to getting to know these lovely people even better.

Trip Information

2006-05-22T19:10:00.000-07:00

Well this week is the week! Anna and I are off to meet Alexander and his supporting cast!! Below is some trip information.

Flight Info:

Thu, May 25, 2006

Departs 2:14pm, Arrives 8:26pm
American Airlines 327 / 2195
San Antonio, TX to Guatemala City, Guatemala

Wed, May 31, 2006

Departs 9:25am, Arrives 3:15pm
American Airlines 2196 / 1906
Guatemala City, Guatemala to San Antonio, TX

We will be staying at the Casa Grande:

http://www.casagrande-gua.com/

US social worker's email: baasadopt@yahoo.com
Guatemalan attorney's contact info:
Marilena's cell phone is: 011-502-5-202-6327
Her e-mail is: maryvarelap@hotmail.com
Madre Ivonne: nunivon@ufm.edu.gt

General information about Guatemala:

http://www.visitguatemala.com/site/home/index_3.html

"Owwkzaner's" Case is in the Courts!

2006-05-18T21:08:00.000-07:00

Our case is in the courts! Now it will move through the courts, to the PGN, then to the civil registry and finally to the Passport Office. The estimated time frame is six months from now. This will put Alexander here around his first birthday. That would be nice.

C. Calls Alexander "Owwikzander". She does not know the details, only that I am going to visit a baby named Owikzander in a place called "Guatemama".

She asked me where I was going as I was packing diapers and bottles. She seemed satisfied with the explanation that I was going to visit a baby and bring him things. She even picked out a little stuffed dog for him at Target. Her concern was that she wanted to go to Guatemala too and she gave me a big hug. I told her she may be able to go some day. I did not add the part that she may go someday as a big sister!

DNA Test Results

2006-05-10T08:32:00.000-07:00

Our DNA test results are back and Maria is, indeed, Alexander's birthmother so we are officially ready for the courts. So, provided no one spills their coffee on our documents, the Fed Ex guy does not decide to abandon his truck roadside in order to realize his life long dream of being a musician or a seagull swoops down and snatches our documents away from the court clerk , we should be entered in to the civil registry SOON. This means our case is officially in the courts.

We have one more form called the Personal ID form, that I will take with me because I see more of Jacob, or Fed Ex guy, than I do my own husband. Oh, that is an exaggeration, but it feels that way. Do not get me wrong, I like Jacob and all, it is just that my daughter recently told someone " I have two daddies". I am pretty sure she was talking about the Fed Ex guy! heh

The Personal ID form is not needed until our case hits the PGN, the last phase of the adoption process. We are just getting our plans for our visit squared away. I hear raves about Antigua, so we are planning to go there for a day trip,

DNA Test

2006-04-21T07:04:00.000-07:00

Alexander's birthmother, Maria, will be in Guatemala City on Monday. Her village is relatively small and outside of Mixco. I hope to visit it, as well as the hospital where Alexander was born when we visit Guatemala. It is out of the way, so it may be a long shot.

However, I digress. She is able to come to Guatemala City on Monday, so our attorney received authorization from the Embassy to start the DNA test. Our government requires all children being adopted by US citizens from Guatemala to have a DNA test to ensure the woman placing the baby is the mother.

When I was going through and translating the documents we have on Alexander, I realized there was some confusion on his birth date. His birthday is October 18, 2005, as opposed to September. His village is outside of Mixco. I have a street and mailing address for Maria, his birthmother. I am going to write her prior to our departure. I do not know if the address she listed is current, but I figure it is worth a try. If I were in her shoes, I would want to meet me. However, I have to remember that I am not her and do not know her entire situation, so I would prefer to try to contact her before showing up in her village. Something tells me I will not exactly be inconspicuous.

Anna and I are going to start planning our trip next week. We will make our reservations at the Casa Grande, a hotel next door to the US Embassy. We are going to book our tours with the Highland Tour Company. If our case is entered in to the civil registry by then, my dear husband may join us for two days.

Many thanks to our friends, the Berbereks and the Wrights, and family who have offered to care for and entertain our daughter!! We are reminded of our many blessings through your care and service. Rosie, a very patient friend, has been extremely helpful in proofreading my horrific Spanish business writing. Mil Gracias Rosie! Pam,Anna, Dan and Analisa have fillled out many a non-sensical form and deserve a medal for endurance. Our church family, particularly the members of Community of Hope, have offered support, interest and truly listen with the ears of their hearts. Thanks guys!!!

Boomerang!

2006-04-04T20:52:00.000-07:00

Below is an email from our agency social worker.

Dear Natalie,

I spoke with Marilena today and she got your package. Everything is o.k except for the birth certificates! Not your fault! The Guatemala consulate wrote down the name of the secretary of state incorrectly! Which means, the birth certificates need to be re-authenticated. Yuck--I know!

Marilena is going to send these back to you via fed ex. You must take them to the consulate again. As mentioned, it was their mistake they wrote in the name on the secretary of state certificate incorrectly.

Sorry this had to happen, thing like this do happen--it is part of the process, I suppose.

Aaah! The bliss of bureaucracy returns. I guess it is "part of the process" but every part of the process? It seems pretty improbable, yet all things are possible. Oh well, time to power on to round two.

It looks like the night shift staff at our local Kinko's has a counterpart at the Guatemalan consulate. Maybe that is who they are chatting with on their cell phones while they are "working".

This experience reminds me of a favorite children's book. My mom always read The Little Engine That Could to me when I was little. The line that comes to mind is "I think I can, I think I can", That is our mantra as we chug up the hill to Alexander.

Dossier received

2006-03-30T14:30:00.000-08:00

Our dossier was received by Marilena, the Guatemalan facilitator our agency uses. It looks like we should be in the court system soon! I have booked my flight to Guatemala City. I leave May 25th and return the 31st. Needless to say, we are excited!

Packet to Marilena

2006-03-25T19:21:00.000-08:00

After putting the finishing touches on our dossier, it is off to Guatemala. Alexander, we are so excited! We cannot wait to meet you. I have scheduled a trip the last week of May. My globe trotting girlfriend, Anna, is coming with me. We are looking forward to meeting Alexander, Miriam and Marilena. There is also a slim possibility I will be able to meet Maria, Alexander's birthmother. Anna and I plan to do some touring as well as spending time with Alexander. We will not be able to take him touring but will look forward to lots of snuggle time if he is in the mood.

My husband, Eddy, and I are planning to do a trip together this summer. The timing just depends on where we are in the court process. We have to wait until our case hits the courts . Taking this trip during this time frame will make Alexander's adoption an "adopt abroad". This means it will not need to be finalized in the States.

The third trip will be our "gotcha" trip! It is natural to question when this will happen. The short and long of it is it will happen when it happens. The general rule of thumb is six months after the dossier is received in Guatemala, which would put us at September, right around Alexander's first birthday. Things happen though, so there is no real way to know for sure. A lot depends on the US Embassy in Guatemala City and their work load. It also depends on how long our case is in the President and Attorney General's office or "PGN". Our case hits the PGN office after it clears the courts. Sometimes cases clear the PGN within weeks, other times months. Sometimes they throw out cases for being unable to read a signature, sometimes not. In short, it just depends.

For now we are celebrating being out of the dossier compilation phase. Between all of the extranneous stuff Dillon required, India's requirements and completing Alexander's paperwork, it has been constant paperwork, paper monitoring, follow up and the like. As someone who recently took a spiritual gifts inventory and almost had a negative score for "administration" (i.e. pretty ungifted), being able to move on from this phase is a relief. I know once I hold Alexander it will become a distant memory.

It actually feels good to have it out of our control for a bit. Now we can focus on preparing our home for Alexander!!

Dossier received from Guatemalan consulate

2006-03-22T10:24:00.000-08:00

We received our dossier from the Guatemalan consulate. Junior called and said the US embassy in Guatemala city has received our approval. We are on to the last step of our dossier which is to mail it to our Guatemalan attorney. Wow!

CIS Approval

2006-03-18T07:46:00.000-08:00

YEAH! It arrived, the magical CIS approval. Now our dossier is complete with the exception of one form we can fax to Marilena, our attorney, later. It is a form that proves that if our names have a middle initial on one form and no middle initial on the other, that it is indeed the same person and not an imposter with nearly the same name. Yes, for real.

So now I am off to copy and send our forms and a money order to the Guatemalan consulate. Yippee!

Round 2 of Authentication and CIS Letter

2006-03-17T12:37:00.000-08:00

We received our dossier back from the State of Texas today and I am going to send it to the Guatemalan consulate along with my birth certificate tonight. After much discussion with the consulate in Houston and DC. they both agree that Houston should authenticate my birth certificate. Our documents were all authenticated and there was no freakish error, no one blew their nose on them making some key point illegible, a sea gull did not swoop them off the back of the Fed-Ex truck....In other words, something went as planned. WOO HOO! YES YES YES! A victory in the bureaucratic blizzard.

Yesterday I sent in a written inquiry to CIS regarding the status of our case. There is no human being who answers the phone there, only automoton phone tree synthesized, disembodied creepy lady. She advised me to submit a request in writing to find out the status of my case. Short of showing up at Junior's house, he has a very common name so finding his home in not really an option (that is joke), this seems like the only option. So, I wrote my letter listing everything including all dates and actions taken, phone conversations, messages left, etc. As I wrote it, it became clear that this should have been done by now and something is most likely amiss.

A good friend has a close family member who works for CIS, so I decided to call to see who I need to talk to in order for this issue to escalate. He was sympathetic and gave me the number of a human being other than Junior. Monday I will follow up with her. Meanwhile, I will "just wait" as my central CIS friend advised.

This weekend we are looking forward to celebrating the recent betrothal of some freinds with good food and company. We also had fun celebrating St. Patty's with some friends today, so it is not all bureacratic warrior work. LIfe is good and we are so thrilled Alexander is being so well cared for! What a blessing.

Well, I am off to write a cover letter for round 2 of authentication. Thanks for reading and luck of the Irish to you!

What warrants a restraining order?

2006-03-15T12:21:00.000-08:00

So at what point does persistence become stalking? Firstly, I am sorry for doing three posts in one day which defeats the purpose of blogging. Such is life.

Junior is delayed in getting our I-171H. My husband, who manages projects and people who are not technically required to do what he says, is a wonderful consultant on this matter. He takes the polite pain in the patoot approach. He had advised me to do the same. So, after giving Junior weeks to do what the other orphan officer said would take days, I have mounted the squeaky wheel offense.

Problem is, Junior never answers his phone. He is a smart one. He also never returns calls. Smarter still.....So, I decided to call INS central, assuming (remember that is a BAD BAD word) that there is a centralized database. I hold for fifteen minutes. I think purgatory includes an automated voice reminding you that you are on hold, after you have already been on hold.

Do they think you may forget? You may say "self, I sura am enjoying carrying the phone around the house listening to easy listening music....why am I not listening to the instrumental version of "Flock of Seagulls" on the stereo? Oh yes, I am on HOLD. Thanks automoton person for reminding me". Anyway, a nice lady answers the phone and I tell her I am checking on the status of my I-171H. She replies "an I-1718?" We go through this for a while. I guess I am not that clear on the phone. She has no idea what I am talking about. I explain to her the process to get one. She says "OH! That orphan thing. Yes, you need to talk to your local office." I ask her what I should do if no one ever calls me back. She says " you can wait." And I guess that sums it up...I can wait.

Dossier sent to State of Texas

2006-03-15T11:30:00.000-08:00

Last night I went to Kinko's to copy our dossier and send it in to the state of Texas for the first round of authentication. This experience is such a lesson in tolerance.

After the copier ate my paperwork, my precious originals, and I managed to extract them, no thanks to the very "Office Space" like Kinko's staff. Oh Mom, I know. They could have all just found out their favorite person had a dreaded disease, or their dogs could have died and they were distracted planning the joint dog funeral. Yes, those are all possibilities...either way I had to rescue my papers by myself and was feeling very put out by their staring while I dissembled the copier. Sure, they are making minimum wage to work the night shift at a copier place. I mean who can blame them, really? It is kind of dumb to expect any level of service from an eighteen year old who is making a highlighting appointment. It is Karma since I WAS the eighteen year old scheduling the highlighting appointment.

I stood in line behind the sweetest of grandmothers. She was sending her darlings a care package. They are studying in the Netherlands.....Who would possibly allow their college age children to do an exchange to the Netherlands? Speaking of Karma, I better stop. Anyway, she went through and told the Fed Ex guy everything that was in the box....a scarf, some mittens, a couple of magazines, bubble gum, boxers, candy bars, chips (William LOVES Doritos, don't you know? Particularly the "Cool Ranch" flavor) some socks, Twizzlers....you get the idea. I think there was one of everything in the junk food aisle of the average US supermarket. Then we went on to payment. She could do part credit card, part cash......hmmm.....or she could pay all of it with her check...but then her husband might get on to her for spending so much.....he just does not understand. She was very sweet and excited to send her grandchildren a nice package and she got stuck in front of the glaring prospective adoptive mother. Poor thing....Lucky kids in the Netherlands. I imagine those snacks will come in handy.

Thank goodness my two year old was not there. Maybe I should bring her and she could speed things along with some shrill screaming. Maybe I will speed things up with some shrill screaming. Hmm....maybe that will be my strategy for round 2 of the authentication game.

Well, I guess all is well that ends well and mission was accomplished. We still do not have our I-171H and Junior is now a wanted man. Oh and our home study was delayed because the social worker forgot to get the third incarnation notarized. We managed to get a complete one together, notarized, with all of the "Indias" changed to "Guatemalas" and, only 3.5 weeks after my overly generous deadline, we are actually on track.

Now we are just waiting on Junior. Apparently, his thorough attitude was a blessing in disguise as our social worker said our case could have been rejected for such an error. Whomever said "the Devil is in the details" was not a liar.

Update on Alexander

2006-03-15T11:25:00.000-08:00

We received the following update from our social worker with Alexander's agency. She and her boss visited Guatemala and met with Alexander and his foster mom.

Dear Natalie,

We are currently in Nicaragua, but were able to visit with Alexander and the foster mom this last week, along with Marilena.

Alexander is really cute and doing excellent under Miriam´s care. She is a FANTASTIC foster mom! We just loved her. She told us that taking care of Alexander has truly been a blessing from God. Miriam herself has a special needs daughter, although I am unsure about the disability. Everyone just raves about her. She´s a humble and modest woman, I think you will like her right away.

She would be thrilled with a cross with Alexander´s name on the back! I know she would love it.

Andrea and I took photos which we can send to you later. I will not be back in the US until March 14th.

I explained to Marilena that you are working on the paperwork. Everything is o.k.

We also went to the doctors offices of Dr. Hagen and Dr. Figueroa. We met with both of them personally and they are just excellent. They knew immediately who Alexander was and told us that Miriam is a wonderful foster mom.

So that it what I want to share with you and your husband. Everyone is so happy you are adopting Alexander. He is truly blessed to have you as his new family.

Warm regards,

Janet

The "I" in INS stands for...

2006-02-24T16:56:00.000-08:00

Hmmm.....I think the "I" in a certain government agency's name may actually stand for irritating, illogical, irrational or maybe....inept? Possibly incompetent? Could it be infuriating? A vote for idiocy anyone?

Our former INS officer told us to fax in an addendum to our home study and a photocopy of my passport and we would have our I-171H in a week. Well, looks like the relatively normal INS orphan officer has been replaced by my new best friend. I will call him "Junior". Junior is most articulate and very, very motivated. While he is my thorn of the week, I have to give him props for being thorough.

We faxed in our updated home study because the addendum was entirely too complicated a request for our agency. In their defense, it is the better way to go anyway. So, we fax in the updated study along with my passport to prove I am not Japanese. Well, Junior finds the one place in the entire study in which our social worker forgot to replace the word "India" with "Guatemala". Fair enough....I tell him we will get it corrected prior to sending our dossier to get authenticated, but thanks so much for the eye for detail. He informs me that it must be consistent in order for him to do his job. Oh, and my picture on the faxed copy of the passport is too blurry and unrecognizable. He must get an original of the updated study, corrected of course. He also needs a fresh photocopy of my passport. I am waiting for him to say "Surprise! You are on adoption candid camera!" It has not happened.

I left a message for the social worker. She will have to correct the mistake and send it to DIllon to get signed. I will have to make myself a public nuisance in order to get this done in a reasonable time frame. Oh well, being a nuisance is a skill I have honed to near perfection these days. I am so flattered Junior wants a better picture of me. Maybe I will enclose a glamour shot as well.

Just when I was beginning to understand how otherwise sane people are pushed to the brink by idiocy, I received the most wonderful treat in the mail today!!! Updated photos of Alexander! Xander had his lip surgery and the surgeon did a superb job. He is as beautiful as ever and looks so well cared for! I hope I can fill his foster mother's shoes. She has done so right by him.

Dr. Magic Hands

2006-02-09T11:02:00.000-08:00

Today we met with Dr. Magic Hands, otherwise known as Peter Wong, and my husband and I got our police letters for Guatemala. Meeting with Dr. Wong was a pleasure and we both feel confident Alexander will receive great care. He is the head of both the UTHSC and Methodist cleft teams. His nurses are very kind too and everyone looks forward to meeting Alexander.

Dr. Wong told us one of his colleagues, who is a plastic surgeon on faculty at the UTHSC, had a cleft. Dr. Wong said it is very realistic to expect Alexander to have a happy and healthy life, barring the fact he has us for parents! :)

So if medicine does not work for Alexander, maybe movies will...I read that Val Kilmer has a repaired cleft lip and palate very similar in nature to Alexander's. We learned that the type of cleft Alexander has, which is on both sides, is actually much easier to repair surgically because it is symmetrical.

Alexander and I have a lot of doctor's appointments ahead of us. Luckily, we have recently met two elementary education majors who would love to babysit Charlie! Our friends and fellow church members have also been very supportive and offered to help in whatever way possible. Once again, we are reminded of just how blessed we are. We hope and pray to meet you soon, Alexander!

Homestudy free of hostage situation

2006-02-08T12:16:00.000-08:00

The director of our new agency called a friend of hers at Dillon in order to get some clarification on the $900 fee for changing the country in our home study. Apparently, it was all one big misunderstanding, as I must not have been clear enough the five times I used the sentence "All I need is the country changed", that all I needed was the country changed. Perhaps I had given birth to twins in the last three months or maybe started a neurosurgery residency and did not realize that I needed a full update to reflect the massive changes of the last 90 days. The potential for confusion is endless, really.

Okay, all sarcasm aside, they seem to be cooperating and the new fee is $350. YEA! All of our other ducks are lining up properly, so it is smooth sailing for now.

"Doctor Doctor give me the news"

2006-02-02T18:52:00.000-08:00

Today I talked to Dr. Hagan, Alexander's pediatrician in Guatemala. We had an enjoyable conversation as his English is much better than my Spanish! I hope he did not get off the phone with "second language headache" like I do. Of course, with a name like Sidney Hagan it may not be his second. He is on the State Department's list of doctors for Americans in Guatemala, so we feel very lucky he is treating our little guy.

We discussed his medicals and I asked him about his heart. He told me a heart defect is very easy to detect audibly and Alexander's heart sounds great. I then called our pediatrician and she concurred with him and agreed with his assessment of Alexander's stats. Dr. Hagan also covered the various exams he did to rule out other underlying issues which are very rare. He seemed thorough and our pediatrician agreed with his rationale.

I got all of our cover letters and certificates ready to send for authentication. Since our California documents have already been authenticated by the Secretary of State they can go straight to the Guatemalan consulate in San Francisco. My birth certificate will get an authentication in DC then I will send it to the Guatemalan consulate in DC.

Home study issues are tabled until Tuesday. Thursday, we will meet with Dr. Peter Wang, a plastic surgeon, to discuss Alexander's pictures. Eddy and I will both go to the meeting. I feel so fortunate to have such an involved husband. Nothing like being turned down when you offer to go to a doctor's appointment solo! :) Maybe he figures he can talk me in to some plastic surgery while we are there....A two for one special or something. HA!

Alexander

2006-02-01T18:42:00.000-08:00

We are planning on proceeding in adopting Alexander! We are very excited and cautiously optimistic. This experience is trying to teach me to take it as it comes, but I am a slow learner.

I guess I should back up a little bit and explain who Alexander is....He is someone we have been discussing and living with for ten days. I say "living with" in that we have been praying for guidance as to if he is our son.

We decided this morning he is our son, so we are going to move forward. Alexander is from Guatemala. His date of birth is 9/16/05. He has the most beautiful coffee colored eyes. His mother is 23 years old and works as a domestic. She is from an Indian village whose name I need to clarify. The village where she is from is Indian, however her surname is Latina. .

He has a cleft lip and palate, so we have been researching the resources in our area and other associated issues. There are two cleft palate teams in San Antonio. One at our children's hospital and a second team at the University of Texas Health Science Center. Both have good reputations and are approximately 5-10 minutes from our home. The children's hospital does a Saturday cleft palate team clinic which is very helpful in our one car famliy.

There is a lot to think about and we appreciate the love and concern of our family and friends. We are blessed to have people who care enough to be involved in our lives. Alexander will certainly be one loved little guy!

So while this is our plan for now, we have to accept the fluidity of this situation. Nothing in adoption is guranteed and I am not going to start fantasizing about his room yet! I just cannot go there.

He had surgery this past Monday. An American surgeon did it free of charge. After my ordeal with the adoption agency, it is really nice to see someone do something kind. I am going to call his Guatemalan pediatrician and get the paperwork from that procedure as well as discuss our list of questions. Then it will be time to consult our pediatrician.

Meanwhile back at CIS, our I-171H is waiting to be finalized. Thank goodness for my illegal alien status or we would have had to go through another round of waiting for our I-171H and paying additional fees. I need to get an addendum or a home study that says Guatemala.

The addendum and the home study change are being held hostage by Dillon and their $900. We have a copy of our study, so technically it is not a hostage,b ut it feels like it! :) Our social worker at Bay Area Adoption Services has a good friend who is a social worker at Dillon. Her friend at Dillon is out of town until the 7th. That is our first plan. Plan B is to have Methodist Mission Home help us with the changes. Our friend Becca is a good friend of the social worker there. So, it looks like one of the two options should be viable.

We need to get my birth certificate authenticated by Passport Services. It also got sent back because I forgot to sign the money order. Then, our marriage certificate and Eddy's birth certificate go to the Guatemalan consulate in the State of California for authentication. My birth certificate goes to the Guatemalan embassy in DC after it is returned to me from Passport Services.

I do not need a divorce decree!!! YIPPEE. I guess the Guatemalan government trusts that I am not a polygamist.

So, homestudy changes get us our I171-H almost instantly, California certificates go to the Guatemalan consulate in CA. My certificate goes to DC and then to the Guatemalan embassy in DC. We go to our doctor for a Guatemalan medical form. Then, it is sent to our attorney in Guatemala and works its way through the court system. Next it will go to the PGN, which is the President and Attorney Generals office. They approve it and his birth mother gets a DNA test. This process usually takes 5-6 months after we get our stuff together. Needless to say my "to do" list is long!

The jagged course

2006-02-01T10:53:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine asked me about our adoption journey and mentioned how it seems like we are all over the place. I suppose it does. Eddy and I have thought about our journey and where it will lead.

This reminds me of the writings of M.Blaine Smith, one of my favorite writers on Christian spirituality. He discusses our tendency to think we have it all figured out after being led in a certain direction.

For example, Eddy and I both felt very strongly led to India. We needed to feel that to get us where we are, but we interpreted it as being a peek in to the future.

To explain this further, M. Blaine Smith uses the metaphor of a lantern on a path. We get the light we need to take the next step. The temptation is to believe that we know the path and where it will lead simply because we are certain of our next step. M. Blaine Smith writes:

"When I finally began studying God's guidance in Scripture, I realized how presumptuous I had been to think this way. Again and again, Scripture shows that God rarely, if ever, tips his hand to us about our personal future; he merely gives us enough guidance to take the next step in faith.
Even a man as remarkably mature spiritually as St. Paul seldom knew God's precise intention for his own future. When he writes to the Corinthians of his desire to visit them, for instance, he states, "For I intend to pass through Macedonia, and perhaps I will stay with you or even spend the winter, so that you may speed me on my journey, wherever I go. For I do not want to see you now just in passing; I hope to spend some time with you, if the Lord permits" (1 Cor 16:5-7 RSV, italics mine). In many ways, Paul indicates that his notion of where God was leading him was tentative at best.
Paul was strongly convinced about what God wanted him to do presently--which was to stay and minister in Ephesus. "I will stay in Ephesus until Pentecost, for a wide door for effective work has opened to me," he explains (v 8). Beyond this, though, he was cautious in declaring what God intended for him; he expressed his hopes and desires for the future, but left its ultimate outcome to God."

Disappointed in agency

2006-01-29T08:06:00.000-08:00

I have had some pretty negative experiences with our agency. Strangely enough, I seem to be the only person on the planet who has, so what does that tell you? :)

When we completed our home study, we were also interested in possibly pursuing a referral with another agency. At that time Dillon told us we could not use their home study unless it was with them. After making a few calls, I learned that this is not legal and we can use our home study as wallpaper in a public restroom if we see fit. So, that stuck in my head but, giving them the benefit of the doubt, I figured they had their reasons. It did not turn out to be an issue to press at the time anyway. Since we were already financially involved with them, we decided to proceed. In retrospect, this should have been my cue to run as fast as I could to another agency.

The saga continues. Recently we found out about a baby in Guatemala who has some correctable special needs. We are not ready to accept him right now as there is a lot of soul searching and doctor's consults to make. Anyway, if we decide to proceed we need a one page addendum to our home study saying we are approved for Guatemala so we can get our I-171H processed for Guatemala instead of India. Operative phrase being ONE PAGE.

After discussing it with the agency he is with, they told me they would generally just do a "find and replace" function in Word, changing "India" to "Guatemala". The social worker at the Guatemalan baby's agency thought that an agency with such a sterling reputation as Dillon certainly would not mind doing this. After all, it is to help a special needs baby in the third world who needs to get medical care in the States. Sounds logical, right?

I email Dillon and they say "oh, congratulations on your adoption journey, have a blessed day.... oh, by the way that will cost you $900 to get an update". We are talking one page or a "find and replace", we do not need an update as our home study is current. So, all I could do was clarify they fully understood what we needed.

I decided to do a little investigating and see if this $900 fee for an update, which we do not even need, was the norm. I called a major agency by our house and explained my predicament. After expressing horror, the social worker told me they would be happy to do it for $500 and, keep in mind, they do not have the advantage of being the ones who did the initial study.

I have honestly been nothing but positive with these people. My husband has asked me if I have written to them about how wrong this is, blah blah. In my mind, if you cannot see this is wrong there is no email from someone who is no longer a customer to make you see it.

It gets better. All of the agency's families subscribe to a forum where we are supposed to discuss our feelings, etc. I get an email last Saturday that I have been unsubscribed because I have accepted a referral with another agency. I never said I accepted a referral, simply that we were considering one.

Through all this, I remember speaking with a woman who had adopted multiple times with different agencies. She is a true Christian in that, unlike the rest of us hypocrites, she actually lives as Christ did. Anyway, when I asked her about Dillon all she said was that they were the only agency she knew of who makes money off the home study, then she promptly changed the subject and talked about how wonderful Minnesta Children's Home and Family Serivices is in their efforts to find homes for kids. This was nice lady speak for "run as fast as you can".

I kept coming back to the one person I knew personally who had adopted from India and there was comfort going wtih the same agency.

Another issue I am uncomfortable with is the seemingly contradictory information I have received about the orphange with whom our agency works. The orphanage director is quoted as saying they cannot take anymore babies until they find homes for the special needs kids. I think the reaction they got from the waiting families must have been pretty intense because then the story changed and we only had four months tacked on to our time frame.

Essentially, their orphanage has turned in to a home for children with severe and profound disabilities. These are not kids with correctable special needs. Since this is historically unprecedented in their work with this orphaange, I do not understand how they can then turn around and give us a time frame.

Amidst all of this, everything is going wrong with our dossier compilation. I really do not feel like I can proceed with our agency short of having them ask for our forgiveness. I guess I will compile a letter to them listing all of these issues. At this point, it just seems tiring and pointless. I am so disappointed in their behavior that I wonder what kind of good it will do, but I am reminded that it is a large organization so maybe a letter to the director would not hurt. We have very little to lose.

A New Niece!!!

2006-01-28T11:28:00.000-08:00

My sister and brother have accepted a referral of a beautiful baby girl named Lizzie Mei! She is living in Hubei, China. She is adorably chubby with scrumptious apple cheeks!!! Her picture is posted on www.rhondaandcompany.blogspot.com YEAH!!! I hope Lizzie is home in time for the annual egg hunt!!

I am an illegal alien

2006-01-23T13:01:00.000-08:00

Getting divorced in San Antonio is a pain, being born overseas is a bigger one. I get a call from the CIS office that they need a passport because the birth certificate I have, which is a form blah blah blah is not sufficient. She goes on to tell me if it was a form blah blah blee, it would be. Apparently the forms are identical except for the alpha numeric markers. More information than I ever wanted, but she seemed genuinely interested so I decided to act like I was too.

We have had some conversation about possibly changing countries and, if we decide to go that route, it is convenient that our application form is parked on Maria's desk until we can determine if I am, in fact, a US citizen as opposed to a Japanese one.

She shoots but does not score

2006-01-16T14:45:00.000-08:00

I called AIAA today to follow up on our fax and discuss our options. The last time I talked to them, about four months ago, there were three babies that met our criterion. Now there are none and one of the orphanages with whom they work no longer works with non-NRI couples. Since our chances of passing for being of Indian descent are pretty slim, we would be back to relying on one orphanage. The orphanage which is open to non-NRIs is also going through a license renewal and all referrals are at a stand still. They anticipate the renewal process coming to a close soon.

So, I guess we will stay the course with our current agency. By the time I get this divorce decree for our dossier, AIAA's orphange may have some referrals who knows? They do not do waiting lists. They list the children they have available then families can contact them if they are interested in a specific child.

Tuesday I am going to get some resolution on this decree and compile the parts of the dossier that are complete to see if there are any more holes. Then we will send it in to Dillon and get on the waiting list.

Don't get divorced in San Antonio

2006-01-14T11:04:00.000-08:00

So if you are randomly trying to figure out where to get your divorce, do not do it here. Apparently the certified copy of my divorce decree was not "recent" therefore I must order a new one. This will take at least ten days. Then it needs to be authenticated. Assuming (remember what your mother told you about "assuming" things?) there would be an online ordering capability, I found the next best thing which was a fax request. To my horrified amazement, they only take Discover. WHAT? You only take Discover? That is like ordering a Coke and the waiter replying "Nope, sorry we only have Mr. Pib."

So, I suppose I am going to have to actually go there between the hours of 8 and 8:15 or some such thing and stand in line to request this from Flo the waitress from "Mel's Diner". C'mon people! Eighth largest city in America!! This isn't Odessa for crying out loud.

Time keeps on ticking...

2006-01-13T20:50:00.000-08:00

I received an estimated time frame from our agency today. After we submit our dossier, we will have a 12-15 month wait for referral. We can expect a referral next spring unless our agency is not allowed to give referrals while they are being relicensed in India. If that is the case, then we would be looking at a referral fall of 2007. After the referral, we would wait another 4-7 months for our papers to clear their court system. So, a process which was approximately 18-24 months from start to finish is now more like 22-28 months total. If the license renewal halts all referrals then the process could end up being as long as 34 months. These are all just estimates. I guess the referrals will trickle in as the babies with the more severe special needs are placed or moved to other orphanages.

I spent some time today talking to various agencies about the situation. It seems as if our agency's experience is representative of what is happening in Indian intercountry adoption.

With recent changes in the adoption law, economic expansion and changing social attitudes, many more Indian children are being adopted domestically. Non resident Indians also receive preferential treatment in referrals. Many times only children with the most serious health conditions are available for adoption by foreigners. This year the international adoption community has begun to really experience the impact of the new laws.

We are faxing a copy of our home study to an agency with multiple sites in India and will discuss the issue with them next week.

The more we sit with the new time frame, the less of an issue it becomes. Our daughter is at such a fun age and we are having good times. I suppose if our Indian daughter is not ready for us for another three years, there will be advantages to it.

Our agency has discussed switching countries as an option. We both came to India independent of eachother and feel there is a reason for that. So at this point we will stay the course, we just have not figured out which guide we are going to use.

A Good Traveller

2006-01-13T06:45:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I was cleaning out a closet and a card fell out from an album. It is a card Nicky sent me in June of 2003. She closed her message with the following quote by Lao-Tzu:

"A good traveller has no fixed plans and is not intent upon arriving"

A Fork in the Road

2006-01-12T12:34:00.000-08:00

We received an email from our social worker at our agency. She recently returned from a trip to India and visited with the orphanage director. Our US agency works with one orphanage called Matri Sneha in Kolkata (Calcutta). We chose this agency because an acquaintance had gone through them in order to bring their daughter home. We have had a good experience in terms of their professionalism. However, I would advise anyone interested in adopting from India to go with an agency with a more diversified program. Agencies such as Holt and AIAA work with multiple sites in India.

The orphanage in Calcutta now has an inordinate number of babies with significant special needs. They have a staff with multiple physical therapists and doctors. They cannot afford to take in any more babies and meet the needs of their current special needs babies and toddlers.

The irony in this is that we are open to correctable special needs or those that we can accommodate. However, the medicals on the new waiting children show significant cognitive issues such as brain abnormalities resulting in probable mental retardation, etc. None of these issues are ones with which we are equipped to deal at this time. So we are left to wonder, what is next God? Was this all one big test of faith? I do not know at this point.

Since our agency works with one orphanage which needs to find homes for at least seven children with significant medical issues such as autism, CP, severe seizure disorders and brain damage before it can take in any more babies AND our agency also has to go through a routine license renewal which can stop everything for up to six months, we are puzzled.

Parallel to all of this is our agency's new Vietnam program. This program has virtually no wait for referral and then 3-6 months to travel.

All of the feedback I have read from adult adoptees said that we should have a real interest in and embrace our child's birth culture. I do not have any problem with Vietnam or Vietnamese culture only the minor detail of knowing absolutely no one who is Vietnamese or anything about Vietnam except for a terrible war. So what now?

Our plan is to continue to prepare our dossier and pray. If you are reading this, please pray that we find clarity as to God's will and have the wisdom to follow it.

One set of documents arrived

2006-01-09T17:57:00.000-08:00

And the state of California finishes first in the certification and authentication contest! Hey, I have to make a game of this somehow. We also received a letter from the US State Department informing us that my birth certificate has to be authenticated by the Passport Services department. Texas sent our request back requesting a money order that is actually signed. The nerve! So the next round of tracking numbers begins.

CIS Fingerprints

2006-01-02T22:14:00.000-08:00

So we had an extra ten hours on our hands and decided to hit the San Antonio CIS office for some exciting times. It is apparently the hopping place to be these days. Everybody is there. No really, EVERYBODY! In short, it was crowded.

Usually the universe conspires against my husband and he is assigned to the trainee in these situations. Though he was asked to check his "man purse"( yes, he carries a man purse AND still manages to be masculine and cute), this time the honor of helping to prepare the CIS agents of the future was mine (sarcasm).

My trainee was very sweet and readily admitted that my fingerprints did not take on the first, second or third attempt. Apparently the computer is "tricky". Finally the supervisor came and took them for me. My husband finished quickly and enjoyed reading his sci-fi novel. They surrendered his man purse upon request. :)

Then I was off to the doctor's office for another form to be notarized (I think these forms reproduce in priority mail envelopes) and my first round of vaccinations.

We mailed off our certificates to be certified and authenticated. Now it is a matter of another trip to the notary and the completion of a few more forms. Then we just wait for our various certificates to be returned to us and we will have our dossier completed.

Once we get our referral, the dossier will make its way through India's court system. This process alone takes 4-7 months so the minimum amount of notice we will have is four months.

Home Study Approved

2005-12-02T16:00:00.000-08:00

We received word that our home study has been officially approved by our agency. The next step is to prepare our official dossier for India. This will include most of the forms from the "paper chase" phase as well as additional reference letters, forms from India, our home study and certified and authenticated documents.

We are offically on the waiting list! The last family who received a referral waited for sixteen months from this point. This could or could not be the case wtih us. It all just depends.

I have composed letters to the secretaries of the states of Texas, California and the US State Department. Since we have documents from the US State Department and the states of California and Texas, we must get our documents certified and authenticated by their respective secretaries. It sounds complicated, but it has been a matter of writing letters and sending documents with money orders. Our agency has provided explicit instructions and the addresses of the various government offices.

Our social worker told us the US State Department and the state of Texas certificates should clear in a couple of weeks. California takes considerably longer. While we are waiting on these forms, we have more financial forms to get notarized as well as powers of attorney and "bonds", which are Indian legal forms in which we promise to care for one of India's children.

Our agency also advised us to get numerous vaccinations for our trip, some of which require three shots at two month intervals. We are going to start on those next week.

Once we accept a referral, our dossier will be sent to India. It will take four to seven months for our papers to clear India's court system. At that point we will be able to travel to pick up our new addition!

While we are nearing the end of our paperwork responsibilities, the wait is far from over. We are one step closer though!

Second Home Study Visit

2005-10-22T13:49:00.000-07:00

Our social worker came back for her second visit last night. When she told us she was coming for another visit to discuss finances, we thought she was going to look through all of our data. Being dorks, we tried to figure out how best to format it in Excel, etc. Then we stopped and realized we were, as usual, complicating things. We have a talent for taking things that are relatively straightforward and making them horrendously complicated. So we decided to break wtih tradition and not prepare at all. This was fortuitous since all going over our finances meant was comparing forms for discrepencies. Glad my husband and I did not whip out the Power Point presentation or run an audit trail. A little nerd humor for you....

I have to admit I was feeling a little frazzled. She called the day before she came. I was having what I call a "mommy endurance day". One of those days that should have the theme song to "Rocky" playing in the background.

As usual, she made us feel comfortable. We went over the parts of the study she completed and looked for errors, etc. It is very odd seeing your life encapsulated in a document. Not to mention, we look like the most boring people ever. Oh well, I guess the truth hurts. :)

We went to the notary this morning and notarized forms for two additional criminal database checks as well as a Citizenship and INS form. We will mail in our packet with our form I-600A tonight. Then we are offically on to the next step. I personally do not know what that is at this point. When I look at the process in its entirety, I become overwhelmed so we are just trying to take it as it comes. Next week I will figure out what is next on our adoption agenda. One thing I know for sure is that we are one step closer!! YES!

Serendipitous Fingerprinting

2005-09-30T06:35:00.000-07:00

During this home study phase, we are to get clearance from two Texas specific criminal and child abuse and neglect agencies. We also are to get fingerprinted by INS in order to get a federal check. Yesterday I went to get our Texas Department of Safety fingerprints completed.

I was required to go to our main police station downtown and called a taxi to take me home. The taxi driver looked to be of Indian descent. We started talking about India, the adoption and our upcoming trip. He was a wealth of information.

When I mentioned to him the public opposition to international adoption in India and the concerns about taking a child out of her culture, he told me that very few Indians even fully understand India.

According to him, there are fourteen major languages and twenty two languages spoken in total. There is tremendous religious diversity. Even within the Hindu religion, there are vast differences. He relayed that one group of Hindus carries brooms of peacock feathers in order to clear the ground of bugs before they will walk on it. They feel killing any living thing is wrong and do not want to do so even inadvertantly. While many Hindus are vegetarian, still others do not eat vegetables which grow under the ground. They believe vegetables such as potatoes, onions and garlic will drive people to be dominated by their base desires.

He also told me to expect a lot of confusion and maintain flexibility and to stay in the moment, connecting with the people. This sounds like good advice for living life in general. He emphasized that the rules change everywhere you go. For example, the procedure for purchasing a ticket and boarding a train in one station will not be the same at another station, even within the same city.

According to Charles, India is broadly delineated in to two regions, north and south. Both areas speak English, as English is India's official language. However, in the south English is more prevalent.

While I have two books to read and three online courses left to take to meet our home study requirement, I am really looking forward to switching gears and learning more about our child's fascinating culture and heritage.

I also find myself thinking more about her birthmother as she is most likely very pregnant or has already placed her for adoption. I am near tears every time I think of how excrutiating this must be for her. I know there will be a place in her heart that never quite heals, no matter how full her future life may become. Anyone who carries a child for nine months and labors to bring her in to the world understands the intensity of the love you feel for your baby. I think about the potential external conditions driving her decision and how unjust they are and it makes me deeply and profoundly sad.

Then I look for God in all of this. Where is he when people are in their darkest hour? I believe he is at work in all of us. I think about the second and third and millionth chances we are given through Christ.

Maybe we are able to give Nikki's mother her second chance. A chance to know that while her pregnancy was not as she planned, the beloved creation who grew within her is loved already by a family, even though, to them, she is not yet physically known.

Homestudy

2005-09-24T13:19:00.000-07:00

Today we had the first part of our home study. Our social worker is a really open person who we enjoyed getting to know. She seems like she would be someone's beloved grandmother.

Showing up twenty minutes early, I was very happy she found my dear husband in a nice button down shirt and shaven. He was waiting until the last minute to put on his "good clothes" so they would not get ruined. Being a little stressed by his love of the unshaven, escaped from the institution during fingerpainting look, I threw down the rare "request". We have a non-negotiable tool that we can use when we feel particularly strongly about something. It is called "the request". Cheesey? Maybe, but it works. I do not like to use "the request" too frequently but am relieved it was leveraged this morning.

Twenty minutes before she was scheduled to arrive, our doorbell chimes. Our two year old loves people coming to the door. She runs down the foyer, hollering "someone at da door!!". We all three greet the social worker. I am sure she was thinking to herself "how many people does it take to open the door?".

So we do the obligatory offer of a drink and sit down on the sofa. We were a little taken aback when she took us up on an offer for a gin and tonic....Not really, but that would make the narrative far more entertaining. So, we chat about our marriage, our family dynamics, our philosophies on parenting and discipline, etc.

She interacted with Charlie quite extensively. They played together, she asked her about the cats, her toys, etc. Charlie fell in love with this woman. She kept crawling in to her lap, petting her hair, talking to her non-stop. It was our lucky day.

After over 3.5 hours, a house and a yard tour and what amounted to two individual and one couple's interview/ therapy session, we were finished with the first part of our home study. The next visit will be scheduled in a couple of weeks.

It was a really worthwhile use of time. I enjoyed getting to know her, learning about her opinions on the various resources out there and asking her for direction on some topics. She has been an adoption social worker for over thirty five years. Her common sense perspective was a much needed one and it was an enjoyable experience, toilet bleaching and all. :)

Back to school....

2005-09-19T17:37:00.000-07:00

Our agency requires an "adoption education" component to be included in our home study. I started the online courses and have enjoyed the first course, which I completed today.

The course included strategies and ideas for discussing adoption with your child. Adult adoptees have given the adoption profession feedback on what type of dialogue is helpful. The course provided examples of interactions as well as general reminders regarding strong communication. Thankfully, it included some concrete strategies for fostering an environment in which children are most likely to express their feelings.

The following is a synopsis of the ideas I hope to integrate in to our home life.

Remember to focus on feelings versus the content of messages. For example, if a child talks about hating their birhmother or hating me for that matter, remember to focus on getting to what they are really trying to express. I feel like this is a good reminder in most interpersonal interactions.

The course served as a good reminder of developmental stages. According to the professionals who created this course, the ages 8-10 are particuarly critical in identity formation. Many experts feel a child should know all of the details surrounding their adoption before the onset of puberty, around age 12.

This course offered some concrete strategies for discussing adoption.

They suggested creating a "Life book" for the adopted child. This book contains all hospital records, photos of the orphanage and caregivers, information on birthparents if available, information on the area from which the child comes, etc. It is an attempt to reconstruct for the child some of their history.

Other suggestions were to light a candle on Mother and Father's day for the birthparent, celebrate homecoming day, have a library stocked with developmentally appropriate adoption themed books and movies. Have magazines with adoption themes. In other words, let the environment itself communicate the idea that we are not hiding from this topic.

It is important to remember that many children go through a phase in which they do not want to discuss adoption. At this point, it is best to leave the door for further communication open but follow their lead.

Telling the adoption story early and often is another theme I hear repeatedly. By the age of 8-10 children become less literal and are able to read between the lines. In order for our daughter to have gained us as a family she had to lose one. This is the tragedy behind the joy. This is the "paradox of adoption" according to Cheryl Register, an author and adoptive mother.

Just as it will be difficult for me not to take it personally when and if Nikki decides to cultivate a close relationship with her birth family, it will be difficult for her not to take her relinquishment personally. This is no small issue. There is some very dramatic language in adoption literature to communicate this idea. "Primal wound" is one which comes to mind.

The main point I took away from this is to listen. Really listen. So many times it is tempting to treat communication as a transaction instead of an opportunity to connect. It is effortlessto focus on the content and try to refute it or put it to rest. Slowing down and listening for the cues that can lead us to real intimacy with another human being is the true point of this course. The tips and tools are practical ways to foster this type of interaction.

While the online course I recently completed was of great value, the books I have read have been like searching for gold. I have found some valuable insights, but mostly it has been a bunch of sand and dirt.

It is October and I have finally completed my second online course. It is about being a "conspicuous" family. Since it will be obvious Nikki is adopted, we need to be prepared for intrusive questions. The course emphasized three primary ways to deal with questions: humorous, privacy guarding and informational. With a stranger at the grocery store, humor and privacy guarding may be the best approaches. With family members, divulging some information when appropriate may be the best course of action.

The main point is to take the spotlight of the child and on to the entire family. For example, if someone tells you that your baby is "lucky", it is best to reply with "we are all lucky, aren't we?" No one wants to feel like their parents are sainted for simply parenting them. Another question frequently asked is "how much did he cost?" An appropriate response to this would be "less than your C-section and a lot less painful".

Some situations call for more privacy guarding. For example, one adoptive mother was asked if her child was "one of those crack babies". To this, she replied " I will forgive you for asking if you forgive me for not answering."

Some people are asking for their own information. Perhaps they are interested in adopting or know someone who may want to adopt internationally. Using one's judgement and replying in ways that do not turn the spotlight on your child is key. No one wants to feel like a walking public service announcement.

Personally, I will have to remember I am setting an example for my child in answering unsolicited questions from strangers. I also need to remember that their intentions are generally good. These inquiries will provide opportunities for us to affirm our family and our daughter's place in it.

What is in a name?

2005-09-04T08:03:00.000-07:00

Obviously, we have decided to name our new daughter Nicole. I have a friend who is very dear to me named Nicole and so I have a positive association with this name. My girlfriend Nicole or "Nicky" will be our little Nikki's godmother. We also like the name Anna and have some inspirational, loving and dear women named Anna in our lives.

However, the combination of Anna and Nicole yields Anna-Nicole. I will forever associate Anna-Nicole with the voluptous blonde whose tragic life was televised for public consumption. Hey, I am not here to judge, I just do not feel it.

So, with Anna-Nicole already spoken for, we brainstormed a variety of options. When praying about the adoption, I kept coming across the name "Priya". It is a Hindi name which means "beloved". Thinking this just beautiful and loving the way it flowed with Nicole, we initially had decided on Priya Nicole.

My husband then attended a seminar on international adoption. Some adult adoptees spoke of their experiences and how they felt giving a child an ethnic first name was not the best idea. Yet, we did not want to give her a name which conjured up images of a fair haired, freckled child. That did not seem right either.

So, we pondered. We do a lot of that. It is a good thing my husband and I are married to one another for a variety of reasons. Our love of pondering being one of them.

We decided against Priya because we thought she might not like it. It seemed a little risky. The next step was to find other Indian names which could be Americanized. We thought Kiran was nice, but thought it would end up being mistaken for Kieran. Kieran paired with our very Scotch- Irish last name does not fit an Indian daughter.

Instead, we committed to an Anglo first name and keeping her orphanage name as a middle one. The names we liked were Josephine (Josie), Samantha (Sammy) and Nicole (Nikki). We solicited input from our families. Since we did not include them in naming our first child, we thought this would be a fun way for everyone to be involved. Anyway, they favored Nicole. This seemed right given our affinity for my dear friend Nicky. Strangely enough, it also was the name that my parents had chosen for me before I was born. They decided after I was born that I did not look like a Nicole. Anyway, it also has a spectacular ring to it with our last name which has a hard "C".

So, there we have it. Nicole it is... It is nice giving her a name. It starts to shape her as a real little person.

Formal Application Approved

2005-09-03T20:05:00.000-07:00

I heard from our social worker at the adoption agency and our "formal application" has been approved! We did not foresee any glitches, but it felt great to get the official email.

The next step is for our agency to mail us the Citizenship and INS application packet. We will file a form in order to get approval to adopt a "foreign orphan". This will be done concurrent with our home study.

Our agency told us the home study process is approximately ninety days. The agency will assign a social worker who will visit our home up to four times and write a report. The social worker's responsibility is to ascertain how well our family can meet the needs of another child as well as assess the strength of our marriage.

There are all kinds of very humorous stories about home studies. People going to elaborate lengths to bleach toilet bowls and the like. With a very spirited two year old and a house full of cats, I am accepting that it is going to be what it is... Hopefully the social worker will pack his or her Benadryl if needed. The massive amounts of pet dander could send him or her in to some sort of allergic reaction.

The home study has this great potential for sit-com like scenarios. I can almost see the cast members of "Growing Pains", a favorite show of mine in the '80s, gathered around with overly animated expressions of alarm, fretting over doilie placement on the coffee table, burning some sort of appetizer, watching in horror as the toilet overflows, staring slack jawed as the toddler squats to pee on the floor...Really the possibilites are just endless.

Some acquaintances who recently had a home study done asked their social worker what it would take to get declined. Would wearing the stereotypical tank reminiscent of the TV show "COPS" do the trick? What about Mom is a red pleather micro mini? Junior getting a really traumatic spanking? One wonders....

Of course, there is always the story of the seemingly balanced couple who was rejected for some relatively insignificant reason. There are not many stories like this, but just enough to support a mild anxiety about the whole experience.

I am sure I will engage in some frantic cleaning myself. It just seems instinctual. A professional is coming over solely to judge, what else would you do?! Just sit and wait for the inevitability of possible rejection? No no, we must do something, however inane.

We also are required to take six internet courses during this three month period. They average about 2.5 hours each and cover a range of adoption related material. When I first read about this agency specific requirement, I had a very high school like response...I complained about yet another requirement. Now, I am embarrassed by my negativity. The first course was well designed and informative. The topics include attachment issues, talking about adoption, becoming a family of color as well as some introspective excercises.

The agency also included a catalog which I discovered today as I was putting some things in to the most massive three ring binder I have ever owned! This catalog is published by Tapestry, a publisher of adoption related books. I plan to do quite a bit of reading relating to the adoption in the next couple of months and will post reflections on the books.

Referrals!

2005-08-30T14:51:00.000-07:00

Our social worker just sent an email on referrals. A "referral" is an actual baby who is available to be matched with a family. It is so exciting to see movement in the India program as there seems to be a lot of bureaucratic hiccups which slow things down considerably.

There are people with our agency who have been on a waiting list while some bureaucratic "yada yada"has taken place. Anyway, they are so eager to be matched and have been waiting a long time.

Our agency has four referrals and seventeen people on the waiting list. Two of the referrals have been matched. Two are "special needs", a label which is a catch all for anything less than ideal. Anyway, two of the babies are now known as "waiting children". Their ages at present are seven and nine months.

The agency is giving "home study ready" couples priority, then couples who have not had their home study done. Eddy and I fit into the latter category at this point.

One of the babies medical needs is way beyond our capacity. The other baby may have been a fit, but the timing is not right. We started this process thinking of the time frame as a positive thing for numerous reasons. We will sit out this round of referrals but it is so exciting to see the buzz on the forum, a place where people in the process communicate with one another. The process for these folks is resulting in an introduction to their newest family member. It brings tears to my eyes, however I am highly prone to sentimental sappiness!

the paper chase begins...

2005-08-26T16:29:00.000-07:00

So, we decided to use a large non-profit Christian adoption agency we learned about from a friend of a friend. I joined an active online community called ichild as well as a group called Forever Families. Through these resources, I learned that the agency we were referred to is reputable. Their customer service skills have been top notch.

The baby home they work with is located in Kolkata, previously known as Calcutta. Due to social pressure or poverty most of the babies are premature and extremely small. Some women from upper class backgrounds induce early so they will not show and shame their families. Others are malnourished and nature delivers their babies early. We learned that our baby would most likely have been born premature and we would have little information on the birth parents.

Our pediatrician has proven invaluable in giving us insight into prematurity and the other medical issues our daughter, Nikki, will face. We learned that the size of the baby is not as important as the conditions surrounding the labor and delivery. We also learned about the health issues faced due to maternal malnourishment. Our doctor was instrumental in helping us understand the special needs checklist and the implications of various conditions.

We worked our way through writing autobiographies, compiling reference letters, gathering photographs, bank statements, letters of employment, proof of health insurance, life insurance, physicals on both of us as well as on our daughter, our daughter's immunization record, drafting our motivation to adopt statement, compiling certified copies of our marriage, birth and divorce certificates and completing what felt like form after form.

We have officially signed and notarized everything! Now it is off to the agency and we will begin our home study process. Our agency told us the usual time frame is 18-24 months from the time a family begins the process. We filled out our informal application in June of 2005. The waiting time varies depending on how open a family is to accepting a child of either gender or with special needs. A "special need" may be something as minimal as a heart murmur or a recurring ear infection. A child who has survived a premature delivery in a third world country is a fighter.

We learned that our daughter will be about 10-14 months at the time we get our hands on her and bring her home to Texas. Kolkata to San Antonio?! That will definitely be the trip of a lifetime.

Why India? Why at all?

2005-08-15T14:16:00.000-07:00

When we decided to adopt, we typically received quizzical looks. Why would a couple who got pregnant on their honeymoon go through the rigorous process to adopt a child? What would compel two seemingly sane people to embark on such an expensive, labor intensive, politicized journey? Those are all very valid questions. Questions I have asked myself during periods of self doubt.

International adoption has always seemed very intuitive to me. All of these children in the world who need homes, why not adopt one? Seems relatively straightforward, right? In the US, there were the "orphan trains" during our development. Why not help children in comparable situations today? Am I some bleeding heart crazy person? Possibly, but trust me, I am not that nice.

So, the problem is pretty well-defined. Due to poverty, famine, war and all of the other little niceties we humans allow others to suffer, there are children with no parents. In the West, we are blessed with excess. Why not help someone who needs it? We have been blessed with a biological child. I have had the wonderful experience of being pregnant. I do not have that yearning anymore.

Well, as usual, solutions to human problems are not so clear cut or straightforward. While researching data on international adoption, I came across information from UNICEF, which was unsettling. Often international adoption leads to corruption and a lack of incentive on the part of developing nations to address some of the issues leading to children being orphaned. I have read the frightening reports of children being kidnapped, sold and trafficked. I have communicated with very bitter adults who were adopted internationally and felt they were robbed of their identity. I struggled with the ethics of the large amounts of money changing hands in "processing" fees. Would we be better stewards of this money sponsoring a child who is living in his or her own country with his or her own family? I gave this to God in prayer. It was clear that we were to proceed with adopting.

As for the more global problems, I no longer possess the luxury of youthful arrogance. I can not tell anyone how to best help children in the third world. That is a God- sized problem. I can tell you what he has put on our hearts and that is the end of my knowledge or authority on the subject.

For me, the research is almost an afterthought, but one that is almost impossible to resist. For I am a "Jesus freak" and our family's relationship with God is what drives our decision making. God put international adoption on our hearts. We thought we were meant to adopt from China. We have a huge community of Chinese adoptees in our city, a strong local agency and a niece who will soon arrive from China. Not to mention, China's program is very structured and predictable.

After we went to an orientation for the Chinese adoption, numerous obstacles entered our path. Since we believe in God (did I mention that? :)) , we look for the divine plan in our lives. We decided to put the process on hold. During this time, we both came to India independent of one another. In retrospect, India made perfect sense. There is a vibrant Indian population in our city due to a large employer of high tech talent and our extensive medical community. The church we began attending this year also has a sizable Indian presence. When praying for clarity on this, the signs were as obvious as getting hit over the head.

Does this mean it will be easy? Just because it is God's plan by no means guarantees pleasure. However, we knew it was right which gave us the confidence and conviction to move forward.

This conviction has proven invaluable. Sometimes the resistance we receive from others shows the fear in their hearts. God will use this child to soften hearts. I have put their doubts and fears in his hands. Radical love is threatening. Adoption is committing to love someone who does not share your DNA. Great Uncle Joe can not extrapolate some toddler behavior as being from "his side" of the family. It is a stretch. A stretch of faith and love. Two concepts that are easy to read about, easy to hear about on Sunday but excrutiatingly challenging to bring to every passing moment of our lives. Our family and friends are on their own path which God has chosen, thankfully, to intertwine with our own for his purposes.

So, I know I sound like a "crazy religious person" probably because I am one. It was not always that way so I understand how it could be difficult to read this if you are in a different place in your life. Just substitute the word "love" for "God" and it will be easy to digest.

Well, apparently we were called to one of the most difficult countres from which to adopt. The paperwork and the process have been a real excercise in persistence. I am going to use this blog to chronicle our journey to Nicole. A journey for which we are blessed beyond belief.